No Silverware Allowed

Shortly before President Obama addressed a gathering of Latino officials, whose support he is actively seeking, the guests were told to finish their meals.   ”It’s very important that you use your utensils as soon as possible,” Raquel Regalado told the Florida crowd.   It turns out that the Secret Service currently allows NO silverware or sharp, pointy objects in the room with President Obama.  While speculation and debate over whether this is due to him being a vampire of simply full of hot air, no one is completely sure.



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  • Agent Smith: Ladies and Gentlemen.   Please finish utilizing your eating utensils within the next five minutes.  At the end of that time I will have agents working for me take them up before the President enters the room.
  • Obama Donor: But, Agent Smith, I paid for two plates!
  • Agent Smith: I suggest you and your guest finish your plates in the time remaining.
  • Obama Donor: What guest?  I bought both plates for me!
  • Agent Smith: Ah.  Then I suggest you put that big mouth of yours to use and start shoveling the food in double time.
  • Obama Donor: What?!  What gives you the authority to talk to me like that?!
  • Agent Smith: Authority?  I'm the President's Agent in Charge.  Oh, and another item.  No cameras or mirrors, please.
  • Obama Donor: What the hell?  Is Obama a vampire?
  • Agent Smith: Sounds like someone's dinner just became their "Last Request"...
English transcript submitted by The Liberteer on

1 Comment

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