Supreme Corporate Justices

Yesterday the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS, not to be confused with The Scots as we’ve made the mistake of thinking Scotland was trying to dictate laws to us one too many times already) decided that Congress DOES NOT have the authority to make American Citizens buy things under the Commerce Clause of their empowerment.  However, the Supreme Court did rule that Congress has the right and authority to make the American Citizens buy crap under their Taxation Powers.  So, if Congress decides they want Americans to buy something they just have to call it tax.  Need to stimulate the candy industry, “all Americans must buy one candy bar per week or pay a $5 fine for each week they fail to do so.”  Need to increase the profitability of  the now partially Government owned auto industry, “all American citizens must buy a new car every 4 years or pay a $2000 a year fine for noncompliance.”   Write a crappy book, “all Americans must buy a copy of President Obama’s ‘Socialization for Dummies’ or pay a $500 fine for noncompliance.”  Welcome to America, buy something or we’ll fine the dickens out of you.


  • Chief Justice John G. Roberts: Ladies and Gentlemen.  As Chief Justice I'm pleased to announce the Supreme Court's decision on the Unaffordable Health Care Act, commonly called ObamaCare.
  • President Obama: The Supreme Court has no authority over MY laws.  If Holder was here I'd have him arrest them all for contempt of President...
  • Chief Justice John G. Roberts:: After careful consideration we concluded that it is unconstitutional for Congress to mandate the citizens purchase anything under the Commerce Clause.
  • President Obama: Stuck up, uppity Justices.  "Sorry, your bribe money isn't worth the paper it's printed on with the current debt status..."
  • Chief Justice John G. Roberts: However, since we had already decided to take corporate bribe money, we decided to uphold it as a tax.
  • President Obama: Ben's printing presses are turning out to be the greatest socialist tool of all time.
  • President Obama (writing check to Chief Justice John Roberts): Now, what name did you want this check made out to again?
English transcript submitted by The Liberteer on

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